Anthro Dorks Are Not Funny

Wow, today in class was such a change. I am pretty sure that Professor Ahem got lucky over the weekend because he was so animated during class. He spent about 15 minutes with a slide show of anthro jokes. I was laughing so hard. Most of the people in my class just cracked a smile. Lame. So, later on in the class (it is 3 hours long) Professor Ahem cut the cheese. Yup, you know what I am saying. He acted like nothing happened, but I almost snorted I was trying so hard not to laugh. And how did the rest of my class respond? Nada. Come on. Someone farting in class is funny, no matter who you are. And when it is the professor, it exponentially raises the level of hilarity. I laughed the whole way home just thinking about it.

But, seriously, he was a totally different guy. He was hilarious in class. Maybe some happy pills were involved, I don't know. Then he invited us all out for beers after class next week. I will totally go and get a Diet Coke. I am thinking that I am going to tell everyone I am a recovering alcoholic - just to make it more interesting. Or maybe I will tell them that the terms of my probation will not allow me to consume alcohol. That would be really funny.

Now I have to seriously hit the books. I wrote a paper last night, I have to write one tonight, and I will need to write another one tomorrow night. Sob!! I have so much homework for my Wednesday class I am weeping uncontrollably just thinking about it. That class is seriously holding my life hostage. Seriously.

Week In Review

Number of Papers: 2

Number of Presentations: 2

Number of Handouts created for Presentations: 2

Novels Read Avoiding Homework: 3

Number of Netflix Movies Watched: 1

Number of Chapters Supposed to Have Read for School: 13

Number of Chapters Actually Read: 9

Number of Hours in the Lab: 5

Number of Ants in My Kitchen: 1,000

Number of Misspelled Words in Firedude's Lab Report: 15

Number of Times I Was Asked for Spare Change: 10

Number of Really Ugly Backpacks Purchased that I Can't Live Without: 1

Very Important Lesson

Wow, I just learned a very valuable thing. The Super Walmart is PACKED FULL OF MEN at 11:30 on a Friday night. I am pretty sure that I was the only female in the place. Of course, they were all buying alcohol or brownie mix (hmm I wonder what that is for), but it was still a nice parade of man flesh. Drool. Yay!!! I now have plans every Friday night. Wahoooo!!!!

HELL

So tired
Want to sleep
Still have homework
Massive headache
Diet Coke is all gone

Happy One Month Anniversary!!

Dear Reno,


Happy Anniversary!

I can't believe we have been seeing each other for an entire month. You have brought so much to my life: stress, a new driver's license, an appreciation for people with teeth.

Can't wait to see what the next month will bring!

XoXoooXXXo,
Natalie

2 Hour Exam

About a month ago I randomly applied for a Library Aide position at the county library. It was only 15 hours a week and paid 17 bucks an hour. Who is going to pass that up? So last week I got a call asking me to come in and take a 2 hours exam. Yup. A 2 hour exam. For a Library Aide position - shelving books. LAME!! So, I show up to take my exam and there are about 50 people there. Yup, I said 50. Then I found out that this was the fourth session of testing. I am pretty sure every person in Reno applied for the job. 200 people taking a 2 hour exam! They don't send you the results for a month, and then interviews start. So in total it takes 2 months just to get an interview. 17 bucks in awesome, but that is ridiculous!

What else? I locked myself out of my apartment yesterday. LAME!!! I walked my study partner to the gate (Not firedude :( but Jane and Michael Banks. Jane and Michael Banks is one person. Her last name just happens to be Banks, so every time I hear her name I think of Mary Poppins and someone singing Jane and Michael Banks. Confused much?) So, in the 30 seconds it took me to walk to the gate all my roommates left and locked me out. :( It costs 15 bucks if you call the front office to let you in. Being the NOEL cheapskate I am, I decided to wait. An hour later, I realized it was Saturday night and my roomies were probably gone for the night. So I went to the apartment next door and called the office to come let me in (15 bucks!!). They told me they would be right over. AN HOUR LATER they show. During this time I got to hang out with my next door neighbors. I will refer to them as Q and Bloody Lips. Q didn't speak English very well and introduced himself as a letter of the alphabet. NOT A JOKE. Bloody Lips had just that, Bloody Lips. I know what you are wondering. And I have no idea. It isn't something you can ask in a polite conversation. Excuse me, Bloody Lips. I noticed that your lips are bleeding. Not just a part of them, but YOUR ENTIRE LIPS. Is that normal? So, to make a long story short, the lady shows up and hour later just as two of my roommates come home. 15 bucks!!!

Did I also mention that the smoke alarm is beeping every five minutes in the room next door?

pROJECT rENO

Hello my little bloggers. This new entry comes to you by request. Yes, I am in demand. Please forgive if this entry seems a little discombobulated. I am writing as I watch Project Runway. Yes, I said Project Runway. Don’t judge. I want to be like Heidi Klum and tell people they are OUT. How cool would my life be if I could look at someone who was really bugging me and say, _____ you are out. And then, if I really really liked someone, I could look at them and say ______ you are in. Uhhhhhh to have that much power!
I am going to take a page out of Odd Thomas and refer to everyone in Reno with nicknames. This being said, the first person I would tell off is Professor Ahem. Yes, my professor who can’t go 5 words without clearing his throat or saying the word okay. I am not high strung or anything, but it drives me crazy. I want to slap him and tell him to take a public speaking class. He also makes the most random connections. No one, ahem, in class can, ahem, follow his train, ahem of thought, okay, ahem. I am going to be in big, ahem, trouble, ahem because, I can already tell, okay, that I don’t, ahem, make the same connections, ahem, that he does.
That being said, my class at the community college is, how shall we say this, interesting. The guy who sits right next to me is studying to be a firefighter. Yes, I said firefighter. Drool. But alas, firedude is about as dumb as they come. How do I know this, drool? Because firedude is also my lab partner. Drool. Basically lab involves me happily doing all the work, trying to include firedude in the process. Here is a peek into lab today:
Me: Okay, firedude. We need to figure out the percentage of offspring that will be albinos. First we need to make a Punnett square. Is albinism dominant or recessive?
Firedude: Um . . . geez, um I have no idea.
Me: No problem, I will do it all. Just tell me is this a big “A” or a little “a.”
Firedude: Um . . . Big “A.”
Me: Yes! You are so smart! I will write the entire essay. You can just sit there and text your hot firefriends. Bat eyelashes. Firedude, you are IN!!!

Ways I Avoided Doing My Homework Today

1. Added 115 movies to my Netflix queue.
2. Checked mailbox 4 times.
3. Walked to Valley Market -should be called Ghetto Market.
4. Watched downloadable movies from Netflix.
5. Wrote on my blog.
6. Took out the garbage.
7. Looked at the wall.
8. Called Jonny Gunn, Mom and Stacie.
9. Picked my nose 15 times.
10. Deleted old email messages.
11. Reinacted Grease.
12. Sharpened pencils.
13. Read other people's blogs.