Humiliations Galore

Okay, I have been avoiding this post. But being the true Noel that I am, a good story trumps all personal dignity so here goes . . .

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in church minding my own business, when it was the ward choir's turn to sing. As the song was about to begin, the bishop noticed that there were only about 4 people total in the choir. So, he did what he is prone to do and called rows out of the audience to come up and sing. Of course, my row was called. Being the good sport I am, I climbed the stairs and sang my hallelujahs. The song went off without a hitch and I started to walk back to my seat.
Unfortunately, inbetween me and the pew was a flight of stairs. No, you say. That is everyone's worst nightmare, but it is just that a nightmare. Everyone worries about falling down the stairs but no one ever does it. Um . . . yup, it happened to me. I totally biffed it. And it wasn't just a slip, it was a full on nose dive. One minute I was standing at the top of the stairs, the next I was flat on my back and everything was dark. So, I am laying there wondering why the world is black, when I realize that the reason I can't see anything is because my skirt is over my head. Please stop laughing. I was thinking this has to be a dream. There is no way anything this horrible could actually happen in real life.

So now I have two options: I can just keep my skirt over my head and crawl out of the building never to return, or I could pull my skirt back down. I did the latter and noticed everyone in the choir, front row, and bishopric staring at me with a horrified look on their faces. I jumped up as fast as I could and yelled I'm okay and walked back to my seat. I sat through the rest of sacrament meeting, every five minutes remembering that it actually happened and was not in reality a dream.

One of my friends later told me that one minute she saw my head and the next my feet were up in the air. Another friend told me I bounced off the side wall and flipped over. It must have been a sight to behold. I am totally psyched about it because I am offically on first base with about half the guys in the ward because they saw my underwear. And the bishop now knows that I am wearing my garments properly. Sadly, my awesome knee-highs did nothing to protect my knees, so I am sporting some pretty sweet rug burns and have a giant bruise on my bum.

Now because I am an optimist I realize that it could have been much worse. I could have knocked myself out and been laying there with my skirt over my head for some time. I also could have chosen that Sunday to wear my fabulous see-through leopard thong. And finally, I could have landed on someone and taken them out with the fall. So see! It wasn't so bad. True, I am now officially inactive, but that is beside the point.